What a Cookie Controversy Can Teach Us About Disappointment

When the viral “Oreogate” thread hit the internet, one mother’s plea to ban Oreo’s from the classroom quickly became a bigger conversation about parenting and teaching children how to handle disappointment.

What is “Oreogate?”

Recently, a mother wrote in a group chat with other Kindergarten mothers asking them for a favour, not to send Oreos to school.

She explained that seeing others with Oreos was bringing up big feelings for her daughter, which resulted in lots of tears and long conversations. The other mothers ensured their children did not share their Oreos but did not agree to stop sending them. Eventually, the child's mother reached out to the school directly.

What started as a conversation about cookies quickly sparked a much bigger question: are parents helping their children cope with disappointment or preventing them from experiencing it?

Learning to Sit with Disappointment

It is normal for parents to want to make the world easier for their children. But at what point does protecting children from disappointment prevent them from learning how to cope with it?

Disappointment is part of life. Children learn at a young age that they do not always get what they want when they want it. They will see other children with things they cannot have and experience situations that may feel unfair.

These moments can be difficult, but they are also opportunities to build important life skills.

The More We Say No, the More They Want It

When a child wants something and hears the word “no,” they will want it even more. A parent’s instinct is to prevent the tears so they may be tempted to remove what’s causing the disappointment.

If we continually change the world around us to prevent a child from feeling disappointed, they will miss opportunities to practice coping with those feelings.

How to Help Your Child

The next time your child experiences disappointment, start by acknowledging their feelings. You can say: “It can be hard when you see someone else having something you want. You’re allowed to feel disappointed.”

After you acknowledge their feelings, help them focus on what they can control. The situation won’t change, but they can choose what to do next. Can they find another delicious treat to enjoy? Can they sit somewhere else where they will not feel tempted? Can they walk away to take a break and then return?

The goal isn’t to make the disappointment disappear. The goal is to help your child learn that they can feel disappointed and still be okay.

Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is sit with your child through the uncomfortable feelings rather than immediately trying to fix it.

How ABC Solutions Can Help

Knowing when to hold a boundary, when to offer support, and how to help your child navigate big emotions isn’t always easy. You don’t have to navigate it alone. Our team at ABC Solutions is here to help.

Contact our clinic to learn more about how we can support your child in building the skills they need to manage disappointment, frustration, and big emotions.